Mending Damaged Goods

After two scores and seven years, recreating my physical and internal “self” into appreciated assets is overdue. At a high school reunion, a friend was shocked to hear of my early insecurities; my confidence level appeared indestructible. My childhood comprised a hidden home life; I struggled terribly. School served as an escape comprised of ultra-optimism and happiness. During my initial twenty years, I lived two lives. At seventeen I departed home, discovering my inner self without the barriers, rebellion, and barrage of shame, and began to peel the layers to reveal my inner core, an independent, vulnerable, and lost soul, in search of meaning. Deeply damaged, I began the healing process.

Ten years later, still tossing, reeling, and spinning out of control with symptomatic yo-yo dieting and destructive abusive relationships taking the helm while looking for love, emotionally dying inside was my diagnosis. My walls were crumbling, the floor was made of sand, and my climbing ability weakened upon each ledge. Aching, lying upon the bottom rung of my own doing at thirty, I had seen and felt enough pain to gather my belongings, take stock, and edge gracefully to the surface for sunlight, healing, and gentle strength, increasing with each step. If guidance reigned from above or an inkling of self-awareness enabled me strength, I am uncertain. The depth of despair dissipated like fog, and I empowered my existence into greater healing.

With insight, clawing for breath and driven to exhale, my recovery ascended. Difficulties traveled like a seesaw never quite hitting the ground. The daily grind of regurgitating the past grew old, tiresome, and wrapped itself around me like mummified, tattered strips. Yet continuing to replay the music of my past proved helpful; it slowly and melodically healed my damaged soul, and elusively replaced itself with self-love, forgiveness, and acceptance. Introspection, analysis, and meditation, brought me closer to the self I was meant to discover and be. It played as my heart opened, softened, and strengthened, allowing life force energy to pump through it.

Today, my past feels partially unrecognizable, comforted by transformation, mending, and peace. In the recent year, physically changing my body laminated an inner self-respect, self-love, and self-acceptance the soul required for my healing. Sanding the shattered shards from my childhood continues to heal the brokenness that pained my past. Today I celebrate the change, resulting in happiness, empowerment, and a life with meaning. Reinventing the old into the new takes processes, time, and deliberate choice, faithfully knowing the power lies within. The day to reinvent your life with meaning, heal the past, and value its lessons, is present and yours for the taking, to reach the ultimate you.